(Barry died on 7-19-2013)
Dear Barry,
I miss you. This
life without you in it is very hard – harder than I ever imagined. But it is
doable. Some days, I just don’t feel like doing anything. I know you would
understand – because you went through this grieving process when Malinda died.
Just 8 ½ years ago – you swept me off my feet when you called me from Disney World.
I had no clue that you liked me that much. It meant a lot – and really helped
get the ball rolling in our relationship. I needed you – and you needed me. I
truly believe we were meant to be together – even if it was just for a short
time. It was definitely a God-thing.
So, I’ve had this
chance to review our relationship (oh, how I wished it had lasted longer than
this. I will always cherish our moments together.) I want to apologize to you,
Barry, for being so needy. I know for awhile you must have thought that I was
overbearing – always wanting to be with you – by your side. Thanks for
accepting me unconditionally. You
showed me what love is all about – God first and then us. Thank you for
bringing Him back into my daily walk.
Barry, I apologize
for being sarcastic at times and/or finishing your sentences. I know that
bothered you. There were times I didn’t give you a chance to say exactly what
you wanted. I’m sorry for that. And I apologize for getting upset when
you didn’t (couldn’t) hear me the first or second time I told you something. I
was so relieved when you finally let me buy hearing aids for you (in 2011).
That was six years of me saying to you – I love you – and you not hearing me or
thinking I said something else. That was frustrating to me – so Barry, I
apologize for over reacting to something you couldn’t control at the time.
Although our
marriage only went for a little over 8 years, we had our ups and downs. Barry, I
forgive you for being a workaholic. I don’t even think you realized it. Your
mom even told me you were one. I think your focus was always providing the best
that you could – for your family – and so if that took a little more time in
the day, you did it. But you working a lot was hard for me – because when we
were dating, we spent a lot of time together.
Barry, I forgive
you for always being available to other people – to help them with projects,
etc. This sort of goes with the first one – but I know deep down that this was one
of your gifts from God. So it was me being jealous of others who got to
spend time with you. So Barry, I apologize for that.
Of course, when
cancer came into our life – I got you back all to myself. But the chemo took away your strength and slowed your life down. It made it almost impossible for us to spend any alone time together. I know that it was really God who was preparing me to lean on Him for
comfort and other things. But I love you so much. I know you missed this time,
too. So I'm, sorry you felt left out or lonely – when
again, you had no control over the circumstances.
Barry, I want you
to know that I will always cherish this time we had together. I will always
thank God for putting us together. You were my Knight in
Shining Armor. You loved me unconditionally, the way that God loves each of us. Thank you.
Barry, I want you
to know that I really appreciated the fact that you loved my children and
grandchildren, as if they were biologically yours! Amy, Mike and Sarah each
have a special place in their hearts for you – as I do. And your grandkids –
Natalie, Alyssa, Lauren, and Noah. They all love you and miss you so much. But
you will live in them. They share your love for ministry. You would be so proud
of them. I remember in our vows to each other – you said you would love and
take care of my kids the best you could. And you did that! Thank you so much,
my Barry!
Barry, I want you
to know how much I loved you when you were here. I just couldn’t get enough of
you. And I know that you were always doing your best to please me. You built
this house for us – but you also built it so that I could have a house to call
our own. I loved building the decks with you and the deer stand. I loved hunting
with you and helping you drag them back to the house. I loved those trips we
went on – with and without our kids. I’m so glad that I got to take you west of
OH! We had so much fun together. And I still have 6 messages on my voice mail –
that I continue to listen to - to hear
your voice –to hear the love you have for me – while you sing to me. And I love
to watch that video of you dancing – the one Mike took at Waldameer, when you
didn’t expect to be taped. You surely have some moves.
Barry, I want you
to know that I appreciate everything you taught me – to enjoy life to it’s
fullest. To be able to dance out in public and not worry what
others are thinking. To sing to your heart’s content. And that everything is a process.
Barry, I want you
to know that it was my pleasure to take care of you when you had cancer. It
wasn’t always easy, but I know God was with us every step of the way.
Barry, I want you
to know that I will continue to love God with all my heart, with all my soul
and with all my strength. He will be #1 in my life always. Thank you for
leading me back to Him. (And that reminds me, thank you for being the Godly
leader in our home. What a difference that makes.) Thanks for praying with me,
and praying for me.
Barry, I want you
to know that I will honor your request – to get married again when God sends
that someone special my way. I have several requirements this time around – you
know – it’s hard to top you, my Barry! But it’s not that I’ll be replacing you
– it will be someone that I will be able to share life with. I won’t even say it
will be a forever love (like what we had) – it will be just for as long as God
allows it to last.
Thank you for
everything, Barry. I will always love you. I will see you again. Goodbye for
now. Love,
Sue
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