Russian Dolls

Have you ever played with Russian Dolls? They're usually a set of 5 of 6 wooden dolls that fit inside of each other. They only fit together one way, but if one or two were misplaced or lost, the others would still fit together. Some people take all of them apart and set them on the mantel to represent the members of their own family. When I was growing up, there would have been six dolls on the mantel.

In my family, the tallest doll represented my dad, the head of our household. Dad worked as a lawyer, so he was out of the house Monday through Friday every week except when we went on vacations. Thankfully, he had the weekends off and we could spend time with him around the house, doing yard work or watching golf on the TV. I remember raking leaves with Dad, sled riding in the winter time, fishing during the first day of trout season, and building sandcastles at the beach. He was surely a year-round dad. He took an interest in our activities, such as going to all of our basketball games, chorus concerts or musicals.

And of course, by his side was my mom, the second doll in the collection. My mom chose to stay at home and be there for us when we got home from school. Mom was the provider of love, comfort, concern, and compassion. She was involved in many other clubs and activities and had plenty of friends. Some would come over to our house and they would sit out on the patio or in the living room and talk. My parents were in a supper club. Each month they would either host a supper or attend one at a friends' house. During one of the parties, Mom gave us dinner ahead of time and then sent us upstairs to stay out of the way. Or was it to stay out of sight. I remember sneaking down into the kitchen now and then for some snacks. Their friends would see me and say hello. So I would join them in conversation, just long enough to grab some snacks and head back upstairs before being spotted by mom or dad. It's not that we would have been grounded or anything, we were just not invited to attend. My memory of these parties happened while we lived on Sunset Dr - which would have been in my preteen - teen years.

The next doll would represent my oldest brother who is 8 years older than me. When I was little, I shared a room with both of my brothers for awhile, but I don't really remember spending too much time hanging out with him while I was growing up. I do remember the big hole he dug at the beach in Maine. It was so deep, he could stand up in it but wouldn't have been able to see him unless you were right upon him. I recall a time when he protected me from a neighbor's dog. Of course, this memory could have also come from looking at the scrapbooks from when we were young. By the time I was ten, he was off to college. During his first marriage, he lived in Florida, so I spent one of my spring breaks down at his house and visited Circus World, and Sea World, where he happened to be working. This marriage ended in a divorce, but later he was blessed with a second wife and they had two sons and two daughters. Although we rarely spent time together, I know I can still count on him to help me out when needed.

The next doll would represent my sister who is 4 years older than me. We became close after we were both married with children. With more things in common, we could lean on each other for advice and wisdom. She had a tough first marriage as well, and divorced the following year of my own divorce. And then God blessed us each with a second husband. She married her second husband a year after Barry and I were married. We both have three kids - though she has three sons and I have two daughters and one son. And we both are grandmas. Therefore, we have plenty in common and are able to support each other. I am certainly blessed with this sister of mine.

The next doll would be my other brother who is just 1 1/2 years older than I am. I think we played together the most, out of all the family members. I know we shared a room when we were little. And after we were both married, we lived in GA about the same time and every time he visited me at my church he would stand beside me and ask someone else, "do you think we look like twins?" Well, twins maybe in the face - but he is more than six inches taller than me. This brother married and has a son and a daughter. Therefore, my kids have a lot of cousins, and they're all close to each other.

And then the last doll, the smallest one inside the doll is me, the baby of the family. There's no changing that. No matter how old I get, I will always be the youngest of the family. I remember my mom telling me that she felt like her siblings didn't pay much attention to her because she was the youngest, or the baby of the four children in her family. I feel that way too. I don't have much in common, business wise, with anyone in my family; so the conversations end quickly. I know it's not their intention, but sometimes I just feel lonely. But I know I will never be alone - for God is always with me.

So how do you break out? You're stuck inside this Russian doll. You can only get out of it when the others break open their doll and let another one out. I think the idea is that once you're outside of the other dolls you have to make a stand for what you believe in and decide who you want to be. To do that, you first have to trust in God and have faith that He will carry your through the trials and struggles that come your way. He will give you the strength to say, "No, I don't want to go back inside the doll. I have a purpose and I will make a difference in this world with God on my side, if I get to stay on the outside." You need to believe in yourself and stand your ground. At some point, you might have to shout out - to get the attention of the others, to share your passion with them. The last thing you should do is to remain quiet, because then, before you know it, they will put you put back inside the Russian doll.

This is what I must do. I need to be bold. I need to identify my purpose in life and then share it with my family. And even if they choose not to support me in my endeavour, I can stand strong because God will be by my side for the rest of my life. I choose to remain outside of the doll.