A look back at 2015, and some goals for 2016

Looking back over 2015, I am very thankful, that despite some health concerns, nothing major took place. I will be on blood thinners for the rest of my life due to a genetic clotting disorder. But I can't really complain, because I still have the OK to travel, as long as I stop every 2 hours to walk around. Actually, it's sitting at home typing on the computer that probably does more damage - once I start writing, it can be hours before I'm willing to get up and take a break. In 2016, I need to eat better and exercise often (maybe lose a few pounds), and continue to help others.

My biggest accomplishment for 2015 was becoming a co-author in the book Emerge. A program called Transform thru Writing started in March and ended in September. I saw it as a means to an end. I had always wanted to write a book and I saw a FB post from Cassandra Washington (a coach I had met at a convention) looking for co-authors. I thought, why not check it out. The timing was good, because I wasn't that busy with gathering lessons at church or working a business my husband had left for me. And so I joined - and my passion for writing showed up right away and has not left my side. And through the lessons and the coaching calls - I discovered it wasn't going to be my writing that transformed, it was going to be me. And I'm continuing with the program in 2016 because I know there is still more of me to be transformed. I know God's not done with me yet, and there are so many more ways for me to grow (not outwardly, though!) If you haven't bought a copy of the book Emerge: Real Stories of Courage and Truth, I would recommend going to my shop tab of my website and click on the book Emerge - and it will take you directly to Amazon. My chapter, appropriately titled "Finding My Way" after the death of my husband, has been a journey all it's own. And I'm still traveling on that road, but discovering new roads toward greater things. 

So each year I like to have a summary of places I've been to during the year - so feel free to continue to read about my adventures. At the end of April - I took a short road trip to the King of Prussia (that's a city near Philadelphia) for a women's business conference. On the way home I was finally able to buy one of those EZ-Passes for the car. 

Then in May, I bought a new Camry and the very next day drove it to Chicago with a couple of friends to attend a Children's Ministry conference, The Gathering. We had fun traveling, and I was soon teased along the way because I almost ran into one of those toll bars. In PA, the toll booths with EZ-Pass, you just slowly drive through it, but in OH, apparently there's a bar! They even teased me at a RR crossing, "Sue, watch out for the bar!" Gotta love traveling with friends. Two days later, we drove home and then the next day I drove to Buffalo for a business training. Whew! Lots of miles on a new car - and that EZ-Pass? I don't know how I lived without it for so many years.  

In June - I drove down to Knoxville to watch my granddaughters in their dance recital -and left my car with my daughter Amy while my other daughter Sarah and I drove all 6 grand kids up to my house in PA. Amy and her husband drove up later. So for the first time in two years, I had all of my kids together with their significant other and kids and we had a family picture (there were 25 of us) done at a local park - on a bridge by a creek. Before Amy and her family left - we took a side trip up to Niagara Falls with the kids.

In July - I found myself wanting to drive out to Nova Scotia and Prince Edward Island, but not able to accomplish it on my own, so I changed directions and drove back down to Knoxville and got a hotel with a mini-water park attached - and had two kids at at time. It was a lot of fun, though I didn't get to see my daughter much. It was August by the time I got home from that trip. So I told the grand kids, they got to spend the summer with me!

In August - I took another trip up to Niagara Falls, but this time on the Canadian side with a friend, who didn't trust my ability to get from point A to point B - at all during the trip. Even when we were walking, "Are you sure you know where we're going?" I can laugh about it now.

In September - I flew down a day early to Dallas for a business annual convention. I was hoping to meet up with a friend I knew in GA, but as it was, she wasn't available. After the first night of activities, I was able to meet up with Cassandra Washington and several other co-authors from the books Emerge and Strengthen Your Wings (first book in series). There were some that were there for the business convention also, while others just lived nearby. It was surely a highlight of mine to spend time with them. We became instant friends.

At the end of September - I flew out to Chicago with another friend for another children's ministry conference: Group's Kid Min Conference. This was another great oppty to reconnect with friends from years' past. This was the 5th conference, and my 4th. Children's ministry is another passion of mine. I'm not as involved as I had been in years past, because I currently am not in a children' pastor position. But I have several friends that still keep up with me - and had been praying for my late husband and for me. 

In October - I decided to drive back down to Knoxville and help my daughter pack up her house. Her husband had accepted another position at a school in Charlotte - so they were going to be sorting out, getting rid of, donating, etc and needed some help. And my motto has always been - when in doubt, throw it out! So I went down. A week before going though, I felt like I might have gotten another blood clot in my leg and had gone to the ER to have an ultrasound done. It was negative, so three days later, I drove the 10 hours to Knoxville - stopping every 2 or so to walk around. The pain in my leg only intensified each time I got out of the car. But I ignored it - I was drinking lots of apple juice for the potassium (thinking i needed more to make the pain diminish). I arrived on a friday night - and on Saturday - we ran errands and I got to watch a couple of dance rehearsals. By Sunday - I was noticing a shortness of breath - espec walking up the stairs (the bedrooms were in the basement). I had talked about it with my daughter and decided to wait and call the Dr on Monday - to see if I could just get a script for my anxiety meds, which I had left at home. Well, Monday morning came - and I was chatting online with a nurse (from home) and she said - go to the hospital now - you have a PE (pulmonary embolism - aka blood clot) - and so when Amy got home - she took me to the ER. I was just going to have her drop me off there -but she stayed the entire day (as I was in the ER for 9 hours - mostly due to the lack of a free bed for staying overnight). So there I was - hearing the news once again that indeed there was a blood clot in my leg and multiple clots in my lungs. I knew something wasn't right - because although I did travel alot - I did take precautions - wearing the compression socks and taking breaks. I spent three days in the hospital in Knoxville and can say I wasn't much help afterall - with Amy packing - but we did get in a few conversations here and there, so that was good. No one wanted me to drive home myself (actually, I was a bit concerned as well) - so my sister and her husband drove down on the Sunday and spent the night, and then she drove me home in my car and Doug was in his, We stopped every two hours to walk around. I would walk until the pain was unbearable - could have been more clots - but never found out. It was good to be home finally - and I've been home ever since. Probably  my longest stay at home!

But I have a love for traveling - so I'm sure there will be some done in 2016. With two daughters getting new houses - surely, they need me to come visit them, if only to watch them carry boxes into the houses. 

I'm working on my goals for 2016 - some for personal, travel, health/fitness, business, financial, other. It's good to have a starting block - and then you pick the pace - everyone has 365 days and 24 hours - the same amount of time. Just want to make a difference for others - and be whom God wants me to be. 

And so my story continues...

And the greatest of these is love

Every time I open up my webpage, I see the old red barn sitting there with the lovely yellow forsythia bushes in bloom. That old barn fell down a few years ago, so it's always a pleasant memory to see it on my page.

Things come and go all the time. That's the way life is - the sun rises and the sun sets and as it says in Ecclesiastes, "everything is meaningless under the sun." Everything - school, dinner time, Sunday football games, the World Series, a lightning bug. Everything is meaningless under the sun.

Then why do we care so much about things. Are you putting our efforts into things that don't matter? Probably yes, but maybe not so much. It's all about your opinion in what you believe.

I believe that God created us to honor Him - to give Him the glory for everything we do - so if that's at school or sitting around the dinner table, or even watching the sports on TV - whatever we are doing during those times, it should be for His honor and glory.

God also created us to love Him with all our hearts, mind and soul - and to love our neighbor as ourselves. That's not such an easy task, but it's doable. These are His two most important commandments in the Bible. If we are doing only these two things, think of how much better our world would be.

Just love others. Show love to others. Share love with others. Be in love with others. This is the best four letter word I know - LOVE!

Reading from I Corinthians 13:1-13 (Jesus Centered Bible) Heading: Love is the Greatest

'If I could speak all the languages of earth and and of angels, but didn't love others, I would only be a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. If I had the gift of prophecy, and if I understood all of God's secret plans and possessed all knowledge, and if I had such faith that I could move mountains, but didn't love others, I would be nothing.If I gave everything I have to the poor and even sacrificed my body, I could boast about it, but if I didn't love others, I would have gained nothing.

Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand it's own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about in justice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through ever circumstance.

Prophecy and speaking in unknown languages and special knowledge will become useless. But love will last forever! Now our knowledge is partial and incomplete, and even the gift of prophecy reveals only part of the whole picture! But when the time of perfection comes, these partial things will become useless.

When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child. but when I grew up, I put away childish things. Now we see things imperfectly, like puzzling reflections in a mirror but then we will see everything with perfect clarity. All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God now knows me completely.

Three things will last forever - faith, hope, and love - and the greatest of these is love.'

Seasons

And on the seventh day, God rested. Whew - He was one busy man. He created everything just for us - His children.

I've been living in my current place for almost 18 months now, and therefore, have witnessed all of the seasons. I moved in during Spring, the leaves were just starting to unfold on their branches. The daffodils were blooming, as the birds were flying about from their nests to the trees, just waiting for their little ones to hatch. There was a nest above my porch light. The momma robin would scream at me every time I went in and out of my front door. She would fly out of her nest and flutter about five feet away, just waiting for me to get out of her way, so she could return to her eggs, to protect them.

But as much as I wanted to help her protect her little ones, the mess she created on my sidewalk and around the porch light was not so nice, as if someone had gotten hold of a can of white spray paint. It became a nuisance for any visitors. The alternative was to have everyone walk through my garage and come in through the laundry room. Not very pleasant either.

One day I decided to invite my new neighbors over to a Tupperware party. To prepare, I spent some time cleaning up the front entrance which also meant that I decided to move the nest to a tree in a wooded area. I cleaned up the light and the side of the house, and scrubbed the sidewalk. I was all ready for the guests to come. I had allowed the Tupperware lady to enter through the garage, so because I had left my garage door up, everyone came in through the laundry room. All that work, and they didn't even come in the front door. Thankfully, I did lead them out that way after the party. And after a few days, the robin was able to locate her nest. She wasn't too happy with me, understandably, as I was trying to make a good impression with my new neighbors and didn't want the robin to startle them away.

Summer came and went, and soon the leaves were changing colors and falling down to cover the grass. I have been blessed to be able to live in a development which provides some maintenance, so as lawn mowing, leaf raking and blowing, and even snow plowing. I love sitting in a chair in my bedroom and looking out the window at the nature God had created. Not a day goes by that I don't see a squirrel, usually being chased by a chipmunk - around the trees and through the grass, and sometimes along the garden border (which is like a wooden rail). It's amazing to watch the squirrels jump from tree to tree and even on the skinniest of branches. You wonder if they're even going to hold them - you expect the to fall - but then off they go - onto another one. Such entertainment God provided that doesn't have to be plugged into any circuits. Gotta love what He has done for us. I was able to witness a fawn this year, outside my window, less than 20 ft from my house. I've seen turkeys around the neighborhood, and some have reported seeing bears, also. I suppose we shouldn't be surprised to see the wild animals at our homes, since we took away their homes to make ours. But God is good - and still provides for all of us.

Even in the winter time, which is the least favorite around here, yet everyone is still here. I always comment to others when I hear them complain - "then why are you still living here?" I like the snow, I just don't love driving in it. When we get a good snow - good packing snow, I'm waiting to go out and play in it. Last year the snow just wasn't packable - til it started to melt. But even though it was, it didn't roll. So there I was with my shovel, out in the yard - lifting up wet snow - about 12 inches thick and making the biggest pile of snow I could handle. And then I carved out a snowman. It was funny looking, but it was cute. And of course, I put it in view of my bedroom window.

To love all the seasons, including the coldest one, is why I love living here in Meadville, PA. You get them all, though maybe not as much summer as we would like. Winter tends to come early and leave late. But there are so many beautiful things the snow can make - like the first snowfall on all of the branches - with the sun light glittering through the snowflakes. When you think about each snow flake - all originals. Amazing. Even an occasional ice storm can capture a photo worth taking. There is beauty in everything God created - even thunderstorms, which are not my favorite. But I've seen some amazing displays of lightning - almost more thrilling than a fireworks show. And the clouds that form tornadoes - photos of wall clouds, funnels, even the eye of a tornado or a hurricane - breathtaking. (Thankfully, I haven't experience a tornado yet.)

My favorite season is Spring - when the buds start popping out - from branches or stems. The first crocuses around the dogwood trees. Even a spring snow is nice. And when the weather warms up - the showers and walking through puddles. Yes, you're never too old to do that.

God created all of this beauty and more for us to enjoy everyday. You wonder though, how many people just pass it by without a thought or a wonder. People who live next to the Rocky Mountains but have never traveled into them; or those who live within driving distance to the ocean but miss opportunities to watch the tides roll in and out. Nature is all around us - even those who live in the bigger cities spot an occasional deer running into a toy store or a flock of geese flying south for the winter. Don't let the days pass you by without noticing what God has provided - use your senses to grasp the full meaning of life - the smells, the sounds, the sights, even the touches. It's all there for us - because He loves us.

Deck the halls already?

Less than five minutes after I started, my Christmas tree was up and lighted. Three pieces, three plugs, and a few branches to fold down and it was done. The weather outside wasn't frightful, no roaring fire to be delightful, and surely, there were places I could go - before just letting it snow! That was it - there was snow in the forecast. Snow at this time of year means the Christmas is right around the corner. But after glancing at the calendar, I saw it was only Nov 20; and Thanksgiving was next in line with only six days away. No, we don't want any snow on the roads then - too many travel that weekend.

Nope the snow's not here yet - though it was a little cooler today - in the mid 40's. Last week they were calling for 6-8 inches for over night on Saturday into Sunday - but because of the wind and the front - it's going to go north - northeast of us - and some of the skiing venues will get some snow to pack down for their season. I live near Lake Erie - and when the lake is not frozen over, we get the lake-effect snows and sometimes that can mean 10-12 inches in a matter of a few hours. So we have missed this snow machine - well, at least I have!

Anyway, when I had a big yard sale in 2013, I sold three Christmas trees for @$10 each. What was I thinking? One of them was over seven feet tall and was loaded with white lights. It was heavy, but beautiful. My plan was to sell the house and move into a condo - one just the right size for a table top tree. Well - Christmas came, and I had to let Wal-mart rescue me. I went out and brought home a six foot tree with colored lights. It appeared small in my great room with the vaulted ceiling. As it was, I didn't move until the next spring. And this time, I took the tree with me.

But when I was younger, it was a tradition to bundle up with hats, gloves and boots, and drive out to the local tree farm. With a bow saw in Dad's hand, we would race through the trees - studying each one: too tall, too short, not enough branches, too wide, until we could all agree on just the right one. One year, my dad cut the trunk about six feet up - just to get the best part of the tree - that is, the part that would fit in the house. Mom wasn't into cutting holes in the ceiling just for a seasonal Christmas tree. Dad would let us take turns at the saw, but as a child, I just wasn't strong enough to spend much time helping. When it was down we all grabbed part of the trunk - I probably held up the top, and carried it out to the car. Dad would pay the owner and then we would tie it to the top of the station wagon, and pray it was still on there when we got home. Sometimes, Mom would stay behind, and have some hot cocoa waiting for us to warm our hands on the mugs.

I think the tree had to stay outside for a day, perhaps. I remember as an adult holding up the tree and bouncing it on the ground for all of the loose needles to fall out, and maybe snow, if indeed there was some that year.

But Dad never bought a tree before Thanksgiving. It was always on the weekend (or Sunday) before Christmas. I heard him tell the story of a time when he went out to buy a tree on Christmas Eve, and then went back the day after Christmas to pay for it.

It was also a family tradition to decorate the tree together - and reminisce about particular ornaments that were made by us kids through the years, or ones that a relative would give us. Some years we would put strings of popcorn around the tree. I think we tried cranberries one time, but only remember them falling apart as soon as the needle passed through it. And the top of the tree would be an angel or a homemade star made out of cardboard and some aluminum foil.

Every year we set the tree on a train board. My brother would add tracks that would take the train under some of the living room chairs too. We would take turns setting up all of the accessories - miniatures villages, people, etc. Almost every year, the train would successfully go around the tree, until we added a cat to our family. Shadow would sit and swat at the train. I'm sure he tried to pounce on it once or twice. Sometimes my brother would tease the cat - making the train go forward and backward - waiting to see the cat's reaction. Thankfully, our dog, Duffy, wasn't bothered by the train.

And so - these are some stories from my childhood - decking the halls. So blessed to have them in my head (and now in this blog).

More years of Christmas traditions with my own kids yet to come ... until then.

What to do without cable?

I think this is the first time since they invented cable, that I have chosen not to have it. Originally, I called about just deleting the home home since I never answered it when it rang (it was never for me because I didn't give out the number to anyone). But it was only going to change my bill by $4.05. So I inquired about cutting cable, because watching one show turned into watching another and another and I wasn't getting any else done. The computer is in my bedroom with no TV (access was available but I gave the TV to one of my kids) and the main TV was in the living room. So I couldn't mulit-task. And I knew that I really needed to be with the computer - to pay bills, to catch up with friends on FB, to watch training videos for my pt business, to write blogs, and write chapters for the book that sits in a file.

So here I am, cable-less. And of course, the timing is never right. Two of my favorite series will be showing a new season soon - When Calls the Heart and Downton Abbey. And then there's the occasional football game and all the Christmas movies on Hallmark. By the time I decide to add it back, some of those shows will be having reruns. Of course I'm aware of other ways to view shows, such as on Netflix and online. But I'm no worse for wear for not watching them at all.

Actually, I'm excited to have one less distraction in the house. I need to focus on more important tasks at hand. I have several books on my kindle just waiting for me to swipe a page or two. And they there are the books on my shelves that are only collecting dust bunnies. This is a good opportunity to keep reading and learning. It's never wrong to improve on yourself, and we're never too old to learn.

Mostly, I need to focus on writing. I joined the NaNoWriMo which is National Novel (not November) Writing Month and I have yet to start, except about 300 words I wrote earlier. But then there was a distraction and I walked away. I need to set a timer and write until it rings. There are so many words in my head just waiting to appear on paper or on the desktop. I need to remember how to do the SOC writing, that is, Streams of Consciousness. That's when you write and write and write whatever you are thinking and you don't stop to correct the spelling or the punctuation. Because it doesn't matter. What matters is that the words are written down - your thoughts are exposed, yes. That could be a good thing. You are transformed - you are a new person. Just like writing in the book program that produced the book, Emerge. I wrote page after page - not only because it was an assignment, but because it felt so natural to do. I need to get back to that kind of writing. Just let it go - no, I'm not going to start singing!

A picture is worth a thousand words - imagine how many pictures you get out of a story? Maybe not a thousand, but surely more than one if it's written with passion and clarity. I did set a goal to write a book this winter, so without cable, I have one less excuse to keep me from pursuing it. It's time to set some goals and then go after them. Always looking forward to the next adventure. Until then...

Making time to write

Wasn't it just summer? Where are the seasons going? We're in the middle of fall and it snowed in my neck of the woods over the weekend. I even had my first snowball fight with two little kids - it was a playful fight. I wanted to build a snowman but with no gloves on, my hands were already frozen. I had to use my sleeve to push the snow off of my car. When I arrived at home, I found the snow brush and put it into the car (and hopefully it will act like an umbrella and keep any more snow away until December!)

Here we are past the middle of October, which means it won't be long now until I pack my suitcase for a trip down to Tennessee to visit my daughter(s) (hope it's both of them) and my grandkids. I haven't seen them since August. But we recently skyped, and that's almost as good as being there. I'll be helping Amy with fall cleaning. "When in doubt, throw it out" is my motto. Though I also have granddaughters in this area who might get some hand-me downs. It will be a fun time - looking forward to at least one meal out (since I don't do that very often here.)

After I get home, I'll be involved in a writing group called NaNoWriMo, which stands for National November Writing Month. It's designed for anyone who loves to write to spend time doing what they love. They have a set goal of 50,000 words - that's @1667 a day. I actually think it's doable - though I know there will be some days dedicated to other things, so maybe it will be harder than I think. But even if I don't reach the goal, I'm better off for giving it a try. I'll be working on my first book, called Around Robin Hood's Barn. (You will recognize it as the title of my website, and similar to the blog).

I was recently asked to write a blog for the One Degree Shift group, which also supports the writing program that produced the book Emerge. I wrote about the ministry I formed as I was finishing up the chapter. Starting in March, I'll be writing in the third book program which will produce the book, Soar. Any time to write is fine with me and what I love to do. Since the more you do something, the better you become at it; and the more you read, the more words you put in your head, then reading makes you a better writer. I have to make sure I schedule time to do both of these things, since I'm not completely dedicated to doing at the moment, but soon. It's a mindshift - it's redefining what's important to me to and making sure I follow through with those activities.

With the help of the Transform Thru Writing book program, I am starting to gain back my confidence and belief in myself. (that which I lost when my husband died two years ago). Timing is everything. Becoming a co-author has been a dream come true. As long as I am moving in the forward direction, all is good. And so my story continues...

Discoveries

Life is a mystery - the minute you figure something out, another puzzle is put in front of you. I don't know why I'm always surprised to find myself going through life's mazes of twists and turns, dead ends and switchbacks. But here I am - among the storms of life.

It's not even a big storm. That would have been the time when our house burned down or when my husband was diagnosed with an incurable cancer (and died). No, the storms now are just light showers, maybe even sprinkles. Just enough to make a puddle to stand in and know your dependence needs to remain on God - for everything. Don't ever hold anything back from Him - He knows about those secrets - you can't hide from Him. And always know that God loves you no matter what's going on in your life. He just wants you to love Him in return and give Him the honor and glory for your life.

I do love my God, my Savior, my Lord. There have been times in my life when I've tried to hide or sneak away from Him (not sure why I thought I could even do that. lol), only to be uncovered by others speaking His words to me. God never left me, even when I thought I was leaving Him behind. In the song - O no, you never let go of me...so true, for it was me who let go of God. And why do I do that? Why is it that I don't want to always share myself with Him? Yes, it's sin. Sin separates us from God. We can't have them both at the same time. We have to love God more.

So for now, wherever I go, I am taking God with me on this life journey. Over mountains during great times, happy moments, etc; and through the valleys - when times are tough and discouraging; I need to remember that He is my strength, my comforter, my peace. No matter what comes my way, I need to remember that He is there holding me through it all because God loves us unconditionally.

Attending Conferences

Walking into a room full of people - some you know, others you don't - but you have that one thing in common. It could be the name of the business you are doing (if you're attending a work conference); or it could be having a relationship with God.

This past weekend I had the privilege of attending my 4th Kidmin Conference, put on by Group Publishing. I have only missed one conference (due to my husband's bout with cancer). Each year, I gain several friends and so it's always rewarding to return to see a familiar face - someone whom I have prayed for, and them for me.

The theme was abide. John 15:9 "Just as the Father has loved Me, I have also loved you; abide in My love." In other words, take root in His Word. Read it, study it, let it grow inside of you so it can become a part of you. Therefore when storms come (and they will), you will remain strong. It's when we don't nourish ourselves in His Word, that our roots begin to wither and sometimes die. And when the storms come, our foundation has crumbled and we are shaken apart. We can't stand up on our own.

I bought a new Bible over the weekend - it's called the Jesus Centered Bible. It has blue lettering in the Old Testament and red lettering in the New Testament. The blue lettering shows references to Christ, and the red lettering is Christ. I'm looking forward to reading it. I've read through the New Testament several times over the last 30 years or so; but have never read every book in the Old Testament. So now I have a new goal.

I purchased several other books including: Interrupted by Jen Hatmaker; Becoming Who You are in Christ by Allie Marie Smith and the Team at Wonderfully Made; God so loved the word...that He created Chocolate by Group publishing; and Big Dreams from Small Spaces - also by Group. The last two are devotion books. You can never read too many books. I'm mostly excited about digging deeper into God's Word and discovering all there is for me to know and apply to my life.

Some of the entertainment at Kidmin included the Skit Guys. And on Sunday evening they did their most popular skit called the Chisel. This is when God chisels away all of the extra things we have added into our lives that covered Him up. So that when we looked into a mirror, we no longer saw Him there. God created us in His own image. He wants us to be like Him. Yet He also gave us the right to choose what to do with our lives. Unfortunately, sometimes we choose things that aren't attractive to Him. We need to be willing to allow God to chisel us back into His image.

One of the other speakers, Steve Adams, from Saddleback Church, started his message from John 15:16 which reads "You did not choose Me but I chose you, and appointed you that you would go and bear fruit, and that your fruit would remain..." Steve said that "we need to be connected to Jesus. To abide in Him because without Him, we're just a twig - only good for a fire." This goes along with strengthening our roots - so that our branches will stay strong and our fruit will continue to produce. He spoke about comparison - and how the enemy deceives us through discouragement, doubts, and distractions. We need to remember that God invests in us and He created us to be His masterpiece. Steve says "we need to recognize our true identity. Release the burdens and pressure of being someone else. And then our impact will be different from others. We should just be the fruit God created us to be - then we will have fruit that remains."

We had a jazz night - complete with a jazz band. Amazingly the band was comprised of players from Colorado and Illinois - and they only had one rehearsal together. They said it was because they were able to practice on their own time. The speaker, Robert Gelinas, says "I see jazz in Jesus. Just like in jazz, where there is a sort of call and response time, Jesus is calling out to us but is anyone responding?" He said "if you're going to go after one thing, let it be God. And don't wast your pain - hold on to it. God will use you." He said, "God is the original Jazz Ensemble - the 3 in 1. Anyone can join the ensemble of God - just abide."
And finally, "Ensemble has an assumption and that is to practice, practice, practice. Be a practicing Christian."

Our MC for the weekend was Christine Yount Jones. She spoke to us on Sunday morning about Abide. Reading from John 15:1 "I am the true vine, and My Father is the vinedresser." She said the vinedresser does the pruning (similar to the chisel). Describing the four seasons, she said, "Spring is a time of waiting. Although that seem passive, it is not. It's a time of grappling with God." We need to be a watchman (Psalm 30), and keep our eyes on God (while we wait). "Summer is a time of nourishment. God is the keeper - he keeps the predators away." John 15:17 reads Hope does not disappoint. "Fall is a time for harvest. Beware, there are a lot of impostors, but there is only One True Vine. Quit looking on the outside of God for growth. Be plugged into God." And finally "Winter is where the pruning takes place. Pruning stimulates growth. It is said that 90% of the vine is pruned each year and always comes back with more branches, more fruit)." Chris ended with this, "In quietness, trust in your strength. because at the end of the rope, God is there."

On Sunday night, Jen Hatmaker was the guest speaker. She began with "sometimes God says no. When you go for a yes and God wants a NO, then it's a mess. Be believers first and foremost. Our identity is the interior work that must be done for the roots to be strong and anchored to God. Otherwise, you become prideful, depressed, and have a big ego. We need to switch our default from a yes to a no. We cannot make God known, when we know we are not known. (for Christ should live in us - if He is not seen, God is not there.) And be willing to tell others that they are a mess. God was satisfied with the cross and how it was finished. Why are we dissatisfied about trying to earn His grace? God is for us and with us, not against us." There was so much more but she ended with this, "Know the last fresh thing God did in your heart and then be willing to share it."

As you can read - it was a full weekend with great speakers, not to mention the worship by Shane and Shane, and the Christian Comedian Chonda Pierce. This is truly a great conference - each year it just gets better and better. Looking forward to the next one in 2017.

a published author

Here I am - now known as a published author. Wow, just letting it soak in. Now I'm anxious to hear what people think about my chapter. Will they be inspired? Will they cry? (well, if it helps, I cried while writing it). It took me a long time to finish it - because in reality, my story is still unfolding in front of me. Perhaps that will be the chapter in the next book - the 3rd in the series. Excited though that hundreds or thousands of people will have the oppty to read the chapters - and be inspired and encouraged.

I can hold my head up a little higher now. I am proud of myself, if that's ok. I've been through so many different journeys over the last few years. It feels good to just sit back and be this new person - a published author. But not taking many days off, as the need to continue to write and inspire others is always on my mind. I love how my FB page - Susan W Corbran, author - is growing with lots of comments and interaction. I'm gaining new friends, for sure.

As I find myself sharing about becoming a published author, others are opening up and sharing their own stories with me. Some wish they had the time to sit down and write, while others would prefer to hire a ghost writer and then just sit back and enjoy the story in book form. However you decide - perhaps just an audio story - or a few words with some pictures. Just tell the story.

Several years ago, I was a consultant with Creative Memories - scrapbooking. And we would share how you could have a book of pictures, but without the words, it could be whatever story the reader made up to go with it. So if you want people to know your story - you need to tell it with words. Otherwise, you can't complain the stories they make up about you. :)

We continue to promote the book EMERGE: REAL STORIES OF COURAGE AND TRUTH, because we know there are many people - men and women, who need to read these stories. Please order a copy for yourself and one for a friend. They make great Christmas gifts, also.

Until next time...

To order a book - just go to my website - suecorbran.com and click on the shop tab, and then select the book Emerge. Thanks.

The River of Silvery Silence

Back in the late 70's, I applied and was accepted into the Institute of Children's Literature, out of CT. It was a correspondence course, because there was no internet then (or atleast not in homes). One of the lessons asked me to write a story with description. I wasn't sure I could do it but grabbed my thesaurus and gave it a try. My results were a big Excellent written across the top of the page. Here is my story to share with you.

It is based on the Merriland River off of Hobbs Farm Road in Wells, ME - just down from our family cabins.

The River of Silvery Silence

Silence grew longer as the water trickled around the paddles. There was a soft breeze blowing the fall leaves across the bottomless body of water. Shades of orange, yellow, red, violet,and green were concealed within the leaves.

With each shallow stroke, a nearby green tree frog would leap into the water's edge. While the small box turtles skidded through the bright green lily pads, tiny air bubbles appeared at the top of the glittering water. Little fish were swimming far below the canoe in the swift current.

The pine trees that were located along the rocky river bank were filled with a lovely incense that spread throughout the air. The scarlet cardinal flowers were surrounded by sea-green lily pads and they brightened the river with a sweet-smelling fragrance.

As the canoe drifted downstream, the sun slowly set in the west. Because the shadows of the trees were much larger than the actual size, they became something out of a fantasy land.

The area around the canoe became enclosed with a deep misty fog, often called ground fog in the area of Southern Maine. Heat from the water rose up into the ground fog as steam would from a boiling kettle. The breeze now became a whisper as the moon rose into the sky and the temperature grew much cooler.

The murmuring of birds in the distance were a pleasure to hear. They were possibly kingfishers or bright red-breasted robins. They might also have been blue jays or cardinals. The water snakes slithered through the water like it wasn't even there. Every once in awhile, one would stop and a deadly hissing sound would come from its mouth.

The paddles of the canoe would then move on slowly downstream where it would be time to leave the river of silvery silence.

Encouraging Others and Yourself

Above my desk, is a black tri-fold cardboard which is nailed to my wall. This is my board with encouraging and inspirational posts. I created it last summer after moving into my condo - my new home with just myself living here. It can get lonely at times, so I thought having this board in front of me, it would also help me to continue to move forward.

Honestly, there are many times that I sit at my computer with my fingers moving on the keyboard and my eyes are glued to the monitor, that I don't even notice the board on the wall. How sad, I think. Because it's probably during those times when I need to be reading those words. Here is a short list of some of the posts pasted there:

Replace excuses with effort and replace laziness with determination and everything else will fall into place.

Your most valuable asset can be your willingness to persist longer than anyone else.

We are going to make it...with the help of the LORD.

Your Future is created by what you do today, not tomorrow!

When obstacles arise, you change your direction to reach your goal, you do not change your decision to get there.

There is no elevator to success. You have to take the stairs.

A goal is a dream with a deadline.

Waste your money and you're only out of money, but waste your time and you've lost a part of your life.

Success begins with can, failure begins with can't.

Life can be full of unexpected things, either happy or sad. But no matter what happens..Just keep a loving heart, a wise mind, and a strong faith in God..He will always stay with us through all the journeys of our life.

Remember faith, virtue, knowledge, temperance, patience, brotherly kindness, Godliness, charity, humility, diligence.

The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.

When you are going through something hard and wonder where God is, remember the teacher is always quiet during a test.

Sometimes we need someone to simply be there..not to fix anything or do anything in particular, but just to let us feel we are supported and cared about.

And the list goes on.

About a week and a half ago, I went to see the movie War Room. I highly recommend this movie for everyone - maybe age 10 and up. People need God in their lives. I know I need Him. Today I cleared out a space in my closet and taped up a list of everyone in my family and added in some key Scriptures to recite. I made my own war room. I know there have been many days gone by that I didn't stop to talk to Him. I usually spend time at night - writing out my prayers; but when I was recently out of town, I left Him at home (for the most part). I need to spend time with Him every day. He created us to shine our lights for Him, to give Him our praises, to glorify Him. And in return, He will bless us.

I remember a saying from church camp - Jesus first, Others second, Yourself last. That's what pure JOY is. It's not about us. It's never about us. It's always about God. People talk about wanting to be happy and that we should do whatever it is to make sure we are happy. But I don't believe that's what God truly wants for us - unless we are also honoring Him with our lives. Happiness depends on happenings, joy depends on Jesus.

I'm on a journey. Well - we are all on a journey. Where is it that you're going? I just want to make sure that when people see me out and about, they will recognize Christ living in me. As my late husband would say, it's a process. And I'm willing to accept the challenge.

Until next time...around Robin Hood's Barn.

written but never mailed - a goodbye letter

I went to a grief recovery class in the fall of 2013, just a few months after Barry went to heaven. I was surprised at the different things that qualified as a loss - such as moving from state to state, changing schools across town, changes in friendships, etc. I used to think loss was only about divorce and death. The class was great and one of the lessons recommended writing a closure letter - writing down things left unsaid and then say goodbye; it was certainly very therapeutic. So I decided to include parts of the letter here; perhaps by reading it, you'll be able to get some things said before you have to deal with a loss.

(Barry died on 7-19-2013)

Dear Barry,

I miss you. This life without you in it is very hard – harder than I ever imagined. But it is doable. Some days, I just don’t feel like doing anything. I know you would understand – because you went through this grieving process when Malinda died. Just 8 ½ years ago – you swept me off my feet when you called me from Disney World. I had no clue that you liked me that much. It meant a lot – and really helped get the ball rolling in our relationship. I needed you – and you needed me. I truly believe we were meant to be together – even if it was just for a short time. It was definitely a God-thing. 

So, I’ve had this chance to review our relationship (oh, how I wished it had lasted longer than this. I will always cherish our moments together.) I want to apologize to you, Barry, for being so needy. I know for awhile you must have thought that I was overbearing – always wanting to be with you – by your side.  Thanks for accepting me unconditionally. You showed me what love is all about – God first and then us. Thank you for bringing Him back into my daily walk.

Barry, I apologize for being sarcastic at times and/or finishing your sentences. I know that bothered you. There were times I didn’t give you a chance to say exactly what you wanted. I’m sorry for that. And I apologize for getting upset when you didn’t (couldn’t) hear me the first or second time I told you something. I was so relieved when you finally let me buy hearing aids for you (in 2011). That was six years of me saying to you – I love you – and you not hearing me or thinking I said something else. That was frustrating to me – so Barry, I apologize for over reacting to something you couldn’t control at the time.

Although our marriage only went for a little over 8 years, we had our ups and downs. Barry, I forgive you for being a workaholic. I don’t even think you realized it. Your mom even told me you were one. I think your focus was always providing the best that you could – for your family – and so if that took a little more time in the day, you did it. But you working a lot was hard for me – because when we were dating, we spent a lot of time together. 

Barry, I forgive you for always being available to other people – to help them with projects, etc. This sort of goes with the first one – but I know deep down that this was one of your gifts from God. So it was me being jealous of others who got to spend time with you. So Barry, I apologize for that.

Of course, when cancer came into our life – I got you back all to myself. But the chemo took away your strength and slowed your life down. It made it almost impossible for us to spend any alone time together. I know that it was really God who was preparing me to lean on Him for comfort and other things. But I love you so much. I know you missed this time, too. So I'm, sorry you felt left out or lonely – when again, you had no control over the circumstances.

Barry, I want you to know that I will always cherish this time we had together. I will always thank God for putting us together. You were my Knight in Shining Armor. You loved me unconditionally, the way that God loves each of us. Thank you.

Barry, I want you to know that I really appreciated the fact that you loved my children and grandchildren, as if they were biologically yours! Amy, Mike and Sarah each have a special place in their hearts for you – as I do. And your grandkids – Natalie, Alyssa, Lauren, and Noah. They all love you and miss you so much. But you will live in them. They share your love for ministry. You would be so proud of them. I remember in our vows to each other – you said you would love and take care of my kids the best you could. And you did that! Thank you so much, my Barry!

Barry, I want you to know how much I loved you when you were here. I just couldn’t get enough of you. And I know that you were always doing your best to please me. You built this house for us – but you also built it so that I could have a house to call our own. I loved building the decks with you and the deer stand. I loved hunting with you and helping you drag them back to the house. I loved those trips we went on – with and without our kids. I’m so glad that I got to take you west of OH! We had so much fun together. And I still have 6 messages on my voice mail – that I continue to listen to  - to hear your voice –to hear the love you have for me – while you sing to me. And I love to watch that video of you dancing – the one Mike took at Waldameer, when you didn’t expect to be taped. You surely have some moves.

Barry, I want you to know that I appreciate everything you taught me – to enjoy life to it’s fullest. To be able to dance out in public and not worry what others are thinking. To sing to your heart’s content. And that everything is a process.

Barry, I want you to know that it was my pleasure to take care of you when you had cancer. It wasn’t always easy, but I know God was with us every step of the way.

Barry, I want you to know that I will continue to love God with all my heart, with all my soul and with all my strength. He will be #1 in my life always. Thank you for leading me back to Him. (And that reminds me, thank you for being the Godly leader in our home. What a difference that makes.) Thanks for praying with me, and praying for me.

Barry, I want you to know that I will honor your request – to get married again when God sends that someone special my way. I have several requirements this time around – you know – it’s hard to top you, my Barry! But it’s not that I’ll be replacing you – it will be someone that I will be able to share life with. I won’t even say it will be a forever love (like what we had) – it will be just for as long as God allows it to last.

Thank you for everything, Barry. I will always love you. I will see you again. Goodbye for now.                                               Love, Sue

How many licks does it take...?

I was thinking about that line - "How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop lollipop?" Do you know? Have you ever counted them? Have you tried it? I think I succeeded once, but it was so long ago I couldn't tell you how many licks it took. Most likely it was too many; which is why after a few licks in, my teeth take over and crunch, I find the best part - the chocolate.

So is this post about being patient? Is it about not giving up? Is it about, well, at least you tried? The end result of this post won't even be written here; because it has yet to happen.

I have a FaceBook (FB) page. I'm sure several of you have been on it - it's most likely that you were on that first before going to my website to find my blog. I started my FB page to highlight short stories from my life - from birth to death and everywhere in between; and it's also used as a place to share inspirational posts that I see in my news feed (on my regular FB account). I also wanted to highlight the book, Emerge, that will be released on Amazon on September 14, 2015. This book allows me to claim the words "published author" on my resume'. I'm excited for sure because my chapter is about me - it's where I've been over the last ten years and gives a glimpse of where my journey might take me. I know I need to stay plugged into God, leaning on His Word, His Way, to be able to find my way. (Hence the title of my chapter - Finding My Way).

Writing my prayers helps me express to God how thankful I am, even for the little things in my life. Writing has always been a passion and is a great way to release the things that build up inside of me. My life has been intertwined with trials, joy, struggles, and happiness, -all to show how God continues to be my strength during this life journey. Many have said that I have been an inspiration to others and I hope it's because they see how much God has provided for me through the years. I believe my purpose is to continue to inspire others, sharing His love through my writing.

The other night I was watching the movie, "God's Not Dead". Remembering the scene in the church when the minister was asking Josh about how many of those kids in his class would step foot into the church building and Josh responded probably none. And so the minister said, then it's your job to bring God to that classroom.

Like Josh, I need to be the seed planter, and the one who waters, and let God do the harvesting. My seeds are planted in my blog, my website, and my FB page; as they all belong to God and it is through those avenues that I hope people will be able to meet God.

So how many licks does it take? or in my case, how many likes does it take? Amazon says a minimum of 500 likes on a FB page or website before they will allow them to become an Amazon affiliate - that is, a place where one can access Amazon and purchase the book, Emerge, along with anything else they want. And if God directs me to point them in the direction of a faith-based movie or another book, then that's what I'll be doing. (That's 500+ people who might not ever step foot into a church building.)

So this as my mission field. A ministry, per se. Wherever I am where my fingers can type or my hand can hold a pencil - that is where I can share Christ with others. I don't have to travel across the ocean, but I might; I don't have to live in a grass hut, but I could; I don't have to eat grasshoppers (though I have); I don't have to walk miles to and from villages (though I could try) and I don't have to leave the comforts of my home (but I probably will). Through my God-given gift of writing, I can inspire and encourage so many more for God. Therefore, the end result of this post is only known to God. It's truly up to Him.

Words of thanks I wish I had said to my parents

I found this writing in another blog I had started (Philippians413).
My mom died on January 11, 2011. 

These are some things I should have told her before she died.

Mom - I love you so much. Thanks for being there for me- especially when I was younger. I know you were on my side alot - cause you were the youngest of four kids, just like me. I'm sorry for the times I disappointed you and dad. Thanks for forgiving me. Thanks for giving me unconditional love and supporting me when I was a single parent. I couldn't have done it without you. Thanks for teaching me about flowers or atleast how to weed around them (though I wish you had stopped adding more gardens to your property). I'm sorry I didn't gain your love for sewing or knitting. I can't add cooking, cause I know you didn't like that either. And though this might sound strange - thanks for not showing me how to use makeup or do my nails - you've saved me a lot of money over the years! Thanks for sharing your love of travel with me - I love it too. And I'm slowly learning where all of the dirt roads in Crawford County lead to. Thanks for always pointing out the hawks and eagles on our road trip - I handed that down to my kids too. I could go on and on. You taught me a lot and I really appreciate it. Thanks. I hope to do as well with my own kids and grandkids. I love you. I'll see you again - in heaven.

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Why is it that we don't acknowledge how much we admire or appreciate others 

while  they're still alive? We should be celebrating their life all year long, because you 

never know when their last day will be here, nor your own.

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My dad died June 8, 2008. These are some things I should have told him.

Dad - I love you so much. Thanks for supporting me over the years and taking time to go fishing and teaching me about patience (waiting for the fish to bite) and how to enjoy nature. I'll never forget the times when you were fly fishing and you called me over to untangle your line from the bushes on the other side of the stream. Thanks for all the car rides around Robin Hood's barn, as both you and Mom had a love for travel that has seeped into me and I am always looking forward to the next road trip. Thanks for teaching me how to play the recorder and for all the duets we had, including when I played the piano and you played the recorder. I loved spending moments with you - helping you mow the lawn or trim the bushes or clean out the fish ponds. Although I didn't have a love for physics or history or law, you still engaged in conversations with me about things I liked. Thanks for trusting me with your car - in both my teenager and college years. Thanks for handing me my high school diploma during graduation (since you were on the school board). Many thanks for helping me pay off some debts I occurred as a single parent. Although there were times when I found it hard to approach you, I always felt better afterwards. Thanks for loving me unconditionally. I will always remember those nights when you showed us how to look through the telescope to see the craters on the moon or to look at Jupiter, Mars or Venus. Both you and Mom taught me many things about life, how to work hard, and to love others. I will always miss you both!

Woo Hoo - soon to be a published author

I'm excited for sure. I have dreamed of writing a book and having it published. Writing has been in my blood - I think I was born to write. But life just took over for a few decades. Thankfully, the door has opened once again for me to write and share with others. I have 54 years of experiences - and that's more than 54 experiences to share. I know not every one of them will find their way on paper, but most will. I started writing after Christmas one year. Mom said that if we wanted a present from Aunt Helen next year, we had to write a thank you letter to her this year. Mom told us this every year. I don't think thank you letters were our favorite thing to do after opening our gifts, but as the years went by, we always found time to write - because who doesn't want to get a gift at Christmas? It's funny, though, that the writing of thank you notes have gone by the wayside. After writing with a pen and having a cramped hand, I learned how to use a typewriters and those white-out strips for when you made a mistake. Thankfully I didn't have to use carbon paper. Then again, writing the same note only once would have been a great idea - just write in the name and make it as generic as possible. After typewriters came computers and email. You know how fast you can send a thank you note on a computer? In a split second. Then you're right back to playing with those new gadgets you got for Christmas.

Thankfully, I've had more fun writing letters than just a simple thank you note. I recently learned this team - stream of consciousness writing. I hadn't realized it, but I had been using it all along - whenever I was writing a letter to my grandma or to my mom when I was in college or a new mom. I had so much to say and just sort of rambled the words together (sort of like I'm doing now). But the receivers of the letters didn't mind at all. They said they loved reading my letters. I really should get back into do that - even if it's just typing them in an email. Atleast they're getting something from me. Both my parents are now deceased, as are my grandparents, and my husband. But I have two aunts that would still love to read a letter from me now and then. That would be the right thing to do.

We get so caught up in life - I know, I'm addicted to FB. I love to get on it several times a day to see what everyone's up to. I love to send out prayers to people or words of encouragement. I feel like I would miss so much if I ever walked away from it. But I can also see the advantage of not being on it all the time. Then when something happens in your life and you share it in person, they can't say, "Oh, I read that on FB!" Funny how that happens - we get so excited about things, the first place we go is to post it on FB. They say it's not official if it's not on FB! But as a writer, if you have a pet peeve for grammar and spelling - you can't complain about it on FB. Anything goes on there - pretty much. And everything is an acronym, except in little letters like lol, ikr, and even ones I don't care to right (or read).

So my title - it's time to talk about that! I am going to be a published author in September of this year. I'm so excited. The book title will be announced in August and then I can start promoting it even more. I've had the oppty to read some of the entries (chapters) and let me say, you will be inspired, maybe even challenged by the transformations people are sharing in their chapters. I hope you'll be inspired by my chapter. I'm on the upside of Barry's anniversary in heaven, and so I know the climb to the next mountain top is going to be amazing. I hope to continue to shine for Christ wherever I go, and with whatever I write. I know (Phil 4:13) I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength. That's like my theme verse. The strength I've received from God has surely been present in my life  - all of it, really. And I thank Him for being there for me, loving me unconditionally - through whatever life has taken me.

If you haven't taken the opportunity to pre-order a copy of the book I have written in, then do so now - go to my website suecorbran.com and place an order via PayPal - just $15 (plus tax) for hand delivery within 2 hours of Meadville (or if you're going to KidMin in Chicago in Sept); or $23 (includes tax and shipping). All pre-ordered books will be signed by me with a personal message for you (or a friend, if designated). I look forward to sharing more with all of you in the days and weeks ahead. Watch for news on a prebook launch party in August - and a book signing party in late Sept or early Oct. Kudos to you - and happy writing right back at you!

It's easier said than done

I think that's my motto - It's easier said than done. To make yourself do something takes effort, especially if it's something you're not passionate about. For me, it's easy to sit down and start writing - it doesn't matter where the writing takes me, as long as I'm not writing in circles.

Have you ever driven in one of those round-a-bouts? Wow - if you get in the left lane, you could drive in circles and never get anywhere. You have to make a move to the right to get going. But if you're in the right lane on a 4-lane highway and you never pass anyone, you're not going to get to where you want to go very fast. And it's not always safer to drive in the right lane. Move to the left and keep going. It's not about staying on the left side or staying on the right side. You have to keep switching things up. You can't stay the same or keep doing the same thing, because if you do, you're still going to get the same results (I've heard that in the business world). You have to keep moving - even if it's just one step at a time, like getting out of bed everyday. Do one more thing every day until you've accomplished your goal. Then start over on the next goal.

So how do you decide which is the next goal? They say busy people get things done. But I have kept somewhat busy over the last two years with little accomplishment. I could blame that on the grief, and maybe that's acceptable; but I have to take some credit for the decisions I've made along the way. I know the first year and a half, I took a lot of trips - most were to visit the grandkids. These trips were really a way to escape the reality from what I needed to do. (work and make money).

I spent the last 32 years being a stay at home mom, only working PT here and there - to make some extra money - for extra activities. I was never responsible of being the sole provider - even between my two marriages, my parents helped out, along with child support. But I don't want to wait around either for a 3rd husband to pay my way. It's my turn to step up and shake off the anxiety of working, and just do it. I can say, I'm a whole lot closer to succeeding now than I was just a few months ago. The writing has helped break down some of those limitations, aka walls, that were built over the years. And I actually want to work now - compared to just having to work. It's definitely a mindset.

So what I need to do is decide on which goal to go after. I have several irons in the fire - Ambit Energy, Creative Memories, writing, Title Searching, and volunteering with children's ministry. I've been doing most of these things (except Title searching) for the last six months, with little progress - except writing the chapter for the book -which is already submitted). It's time to mix things up and work strong at one thing and make it work. I believe it's going to be the Title Searching - I just have to finish an online course - sort of a refresher course for me, and then take the steps to go to the courthouse and practice on a few family properties - and then introduce myself to the local lawyers. Yes, it's easier said than done. I started the course over a week ago, but then put it on hold to finish the chapter, but also volunteer for VBS. Both of those are done now. No more excuses, except for a meeting here and a lunch date there. One of these days, I will have a whole week available just for doing the Title Searching. I've got to give it a try - it could at least pay my car payment and health insurance, and maybe a few other things. That would be less money to take out of my savings - which is good.

I'm surely not writing this for people to feel sorry for me - I don't blame anyone but myself for where I am. I don't even blame God - He has been my strength through all of this. Sometimes I'm amazed that I've made it this far already. It will be two years in two weeks that Barry went to heaven. I need to be praising God that I'm still here - still moving forward - still wanting to learn more - still needing to honor Him in everything I do. I don't know how people make it through life without God by their side? Some do, they just don't do it well. I think I'm doing pretty good, considering. And I have a strong support team - in family and friends to lean on as I keep moving forward. I am fortunate, for sure.

So - tomorrow is already filled up with stuff to do out of the house - (unless it rains tomorrow night, then golf will be canceled and I can stay home and work on that course). Tues - I can work around a car maintenance appt, and Wed - I can work around a lunch date - then I have all day on Thurs and Fri to finish up this course - and maybe I can even get to the courthouse on one of those days to practice doing a title search. I'm excited, yet a bit nervous. Kind of afraid of messing up or looking stupid. But that's just part of life. I am going to mess up sometime and perhaps, I might even appear stupid - but I'm not because I am getting my life back now - and I need to do whatever it takes to get it done - I need to change that statement around to something like - "getting it done is easy, said I."

I just have to stay positive and not let anything else stop me from proceeding forward - no roadblocks allowed this week! Or next week. It's time to set my course - and go.

Thanks for the continued prayers - I really do appreciate them. (PS, and I'm going to keep blogging.)

A look backwards and forward

There's one advantage of growing older - being able to look back to see where you've been or where you've come from. Life experiences - the good, the bad and the ugly. We all have them, it's whether or not we want to share them with others. My son in law told me once that a good writer is authentic. Hmm, so what's he saying? I have to tell all - everything? Probably not, but what I do tell should be real to me - and not just a made up story - unless of course, it's a fictional story.

I do have the desire to write fiction for children. I have a book that sits on an imaginary shelf called Simon and His Unlikely Friends. I'm hoping to finish it this summer. I'm excited to make the time to sit down at the computer and type words onto a paper. It's comfortable and feels right.

I have some small goals laid out in front of me. One of them is to start working as a Title Searcher again. I did this job many moons ago - and loved it. It was like being an investigator, checking documents dated up to 60 years prior - looking for money owed on the properties, etc. And then finishing the search - and getting the pat on the back or the "good job" from my dad (who hired me), was well worth the effort put into it. Dad's no longer here, but that memory is tucked in for safe keeping - and will be a reminder to me to keep going. The prize is always worth it at the end.

And I'm keeping the Ambit business as I'm already registered for the annual convention in Dallas - and all of the perks that go with that. It's a great company - and has saved people a ton of money already, while others are earning an income that pays their mortgage or car payment. Currently, mine is paying my cell phone bill. Hey - you got to start somewhere! When I was a consultant with another home-based business, I used to lead team meetings and talk to people when I was out and about. I know I can find my way back to doing these things. Timing is everything.

And my love for children's ministry - glad to have the opportunity to teach the kids on the weekend - and volunteer, when possible for other kids' activities. I say, once a kid - always a kid. Having gray hair on my head is not going to stop me from going down slides on the playground and being on swings. God created me to love His children - and I do.

Back to life experiences, I hope my friends will consider purchasing the book I am collaborating in. It will be available after Sept 14, but you can pre-order it by going to my website - and using PayPal - just go to www.suecorbran.com  Having my own domain and website is amazing. I never thought I would do that - and here I am. I hope my chapter touches others and helps them realize that God is always there for you - no matter what life brings your way.

Let me add, when you're in the midst of brokenness, keep leaning on God - He is always there and will never leave you. Trust that He knows what's best for you. That's hard, but truly worth it in the end. Until next time...

This is my beautiful family. In this picture is Sarah and Justin from Nashville; Mike and Cara from Los Angeles; Joel and Alicia from Cambridge Springs; Jennifer from Cambridge Springs with Tyler from Waterford; Amy and Larry from Knoxville (with 6 kids); Heather and Cecil from Meadville (with 6 kids), and me.

We had three days of activities together including these family photos on Tues June 9, a cookout at Alicia and Joel's house on Wed June 10, and a trip to Waldameer Park on Thurs June 11. Everyone had a great time. (2015)

Although three of the girls (Alicia, Heather and Jennifer) are technically my stepdaughters - I have been a part of their family for 10 years and most definitely feel like they are my own kids. I am doubly blessed to have all of these kids to take care of - sending them birthday and anniversary cards, Christmas gifts. And the family will continue to grow, as there are four couples without children at this time. And maybe someday, God will provide another husband for me - who has a big family. Only He knows that answer.

Perhaps we'll be able to get together every two years for a family photo. In 2017, my immediate family will be hosting a reunion, to honor what would have been our parents' 65th wedding anniversary. If everyone comes, there will be 53+ (not including my cousins).  Fun times.

Favorite Songs as a child

Back before 8 tracks and cassette players were installed into cars, we would spend time singing songs in the car when we traveled back and forth from relatives houses. Sometimes we would sing when we were out and about and around Robin Hood's Barn, but mostly it was on longer trips like when we went to Maine for our summer vactions or out to Colorado to take our oldest brother to college. Whatever the trip, we had fun singing in the car. And mom would often harmonize with us and sing the alto part.

One of our favorite songs which I have taught my kids and my grandkids (along with some other kids) was Wait for the Wagon. It was a song for the days of the week. So of course you don't know the tune, but here at the words using my family.

Every Sunday morning with mommy by our side, we'll hop into the wagon and we'll all take a ride. Wait for the wagon, wait for the wagon, wait for the wagon and we'll all take a ride.

Every Monday morning with David by our side, we'll hop into the wagon and we'll all take a ride. Wait for the wagon, wait for the wagon, wait for the wagon and we'll all take a ride.

Every Tuesday morning with Anne by our side, we'll hop into the wagon and we'll all take a ride. Wait for the wagon, wait for the wagon, wait for the wagon and we'll all take a ride.

Every Wednesday morning with Timmy by our side, we'll hop into the wagon and we'll all take a ride. Wait for the wagon, wait for the wagon, wait for the wagon and we'll all take a ride. 

Every Thursday morning with Susan by our side, we'll hop into the wagon and we'll all take a ride.
Wait for the wagon, wait for the wagon, wait for the wagon and we'll all take a ride.

Every Friday morning with Daddy by our side, we'll hop into the wagon and we'll all take a ride. Wait for the wagon, wait for the wagon, wait for the wagon and we'll all take a ride.

Every Saturday morning with Duffy (dog) by our side, we'll hop into the wago and we'll all take a ride. Wait for the wagon, wait for the wagon, wait for the wagon and we'll all take a ride.


That's a classic song, and so much fun to sing. When I was teaching a release time class (this is when kids can leave school for a Bible lesson), I taught it to the kids on the bus ride to and from school. They loved it - and we would go on to include all 16 kids, plus the teachers, and the bus driver. Thankfully, he put up with the noise it created.

Another song was from the musical Mary Poppins - it was Let's go fly a kite.

When it's tuppence for paper and strings. You can build your own set of wings. With your feet on the ground you're a bird in flight, with your first holding tight to the the string of your kite. / Oh, oh oh Let's go fly a kite, up to the highest height. let's go fly a kite and send it soaring, up to the atmosphere, up where the air is clear, oh let's go fly a kite. / When you send it flying up there, all at once you're lighter than air, you can dance on the breeze over houses and trees, with your first holding tight, to the string of your kite / Oh oh oh! Let's go fly a kite up to the highest height. let's go fly a kite and send it soaring. Up through the atmostphere, up where the air is clear. oh let's go, fly a kite.

Wow - that brings back memories. I'm singing again already. Our family loved musicals and so here is another song we would sing - Do re mi from The Sound of Music

Do a deer, a female deer, re a drop of golden sun, mi a name I call myself, fa a long long way to run, so a needle pulling thread. la a note to follow so, ti a drink with jam and bread and that will bring us back to do. do re mi fa so la ti do. / so do la fa mi do re, so do la ti do re do When you know the notes to sing, you can sing most any thing. (keep singing)

Miss those times in the car but glad also for them, to be able to pass on some of those traditions to my kids and grandkids. And even though my grandkids have a DVD player installed in their van, I still love to teach them these songs, so that they in turn can share them with their kids.

We also sang many rounds in the car - sometimes we would pair up, depending on the number of parts. So here are a few of our favorites.

Row row row your boat, gently down the stream. Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily, life is but a dream.

Here's another favorite: 1 bottle pop, 2 bottle pop, 3 bottle pop, 4 bottle pop, 5 bottle pop, 6 bottle pop, 7 7 bottle pop. / Fish and chips and vinegar, vinegar, vinegar, fish and chips and vinegar, pepper pepper and salt/ Don't throw you trash in my backyard, my backyard, my backyard. Don't throw your trash in my backyard. My backyard's full.

Hey, ho nobody home, meat nor drink nor money Have I none. Still I will be mer-r-r-y.

Frere Jacques, Frere Jacques, Dormez vous? Dormez vous? Sonnez les matines, Sonnez les matines. (It's a good thing I took French in school).

And then there were some classic songs - just loved to sing them - and repeat faster and faster.

John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt, His name is my name too. Whenever we go out, The people always shout, There goes John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt.

Dah dah dah dah, dah dah dah

Late one night, when we were all in bed, Old Lady Leary lit the lantern in the shed, And when the cow kicked it over, She winked her eye and said, “There’ll be a hot time in the ol’ town tonight!” Fire, Fire, Fire (shout this part out each time, as you sing the other quieter)

Sharing two more songs - maybe this will bring back your own memories.
 
I’m just a piece of beat-up tin. Nobody knows where I have been. Got four wheels and a running board. I’m a chevy not a ford. Beep beep rattle rattle crash boom bang. Beep beep rattle rattle crash boom bang. Beep beep rattle rattle crash boom bang. Beep beep rattle rattle crash boom bang. BOOM! 

There were three jolly fishermen, There were three jolly fishermen,
Fisher, fisher, MEN, MEN, MEN. Fisher, fisher, MEN, MEN, MEN.
There were three jolly fishermen./ The first one's name was Abraham, The first one's name was Abraham, Abra, Abra; ham ham, ham, Abra, Abra; ham ham, ham. The first one's name was Abraham. / The second one's name was I-I-saac, The second one's name was I-I-saac. I-I, I-I- zik, zik, zik, I-I, I-I- zik, zik, zik, The second one's name was I-I-saac. / The third one’s name was Ja-a-cob, The third one’s name was Ja-a-cob. Ja-a, Ja-a; cub, cub, cub, Ja-a, Ja-a; cub, cub, cub. The third one’s name was Ja-a-cob./ They all went down to Jericho, They all went down to Jericho. Jer-i, Jer-i; cho, cho, cho, Jer-i, Jer-i; cho, cho, cho.

They all went down to Jericho. /They should have gone to Amsterdam,They should have gone to Amsterdam, Amster, Amster, Shh! Shh! Shh! Amster, Amster, Shh! Shh! Shh! They should have gone to Amsterdam

(Our version had these verses) We musn’t say that naughty word, We musn’t say that naughty word. Naughty naughty word word word, Naughty naughty word word word, We musn’t say that naughty word./ We will say it any way, We will say it any way. Any any way way way, Any any way way way. We will say it any way./ They all went down to Amsterdam, They all went down to Amsterdam. Amster, amster, dam, dam, dam. Amster, amster, dam, dam, dam, They all went down to Amsterdam.

So there you have it - a bunch of songs to help pass the time away, and genuine classics incuding one I didn't write here called The Bear went over the mountain. That one you can sing for miles at a time. Ha ha.

So I hope you enjoyed the songs today - please feel free to share your favorites from your childhood - would love to hear them.

Condo Living

Take a right, then a left, and then a right again and soon you'll see the entrance to Forest Hills Condos. There's a small building into between the entrance and the exit with gates that close during the night to keep the onlookers out. So no pizza deliveries after nine pm. Actually, they could still get in by buzzing your home and keying in a code to open the gate. This is the life inside a semi-retirement community. I am most likely one of the youngest members of the association. There are no children living here - though I don't remember reading any rules about having any. It would be a great place to teach a child how to ride a bike - with all of the small roads and long driveways leading out from the condos. Plus all of the residents drive slowly down the lanes (well, most do). Some of the residents walk their dogs around the block. I was thinking of getting a mechanical dog just so I'd have something to walk around the block with, as it would be a great way to meet the neighbors - with or without a dog. Some people refer to the homes by their dog's name - oh that's were Lilly lives, or Prince lives over there. Kind of funny, really.

Maintenance free, but not free of charge. That is, we pay a monthly fee that pays for the lawns to be mowed; the leaves to be raked, blown and gathered; driveways to be plowed; sidewalks to be shoveled or snowblowed; outside windows to be washed twice a year; and even the cleaning out of the dryer vent every couple of years. Not bad living - though I do miss mowing the lawn on a riding lawn mower. I spent plenty of years mowing with a push mower. But when Barry and I were married, we invested in one of the zero turn mowers. That was a lot of fun and it made for great entertainment when family came over to visit. Now it's just me in a square building with three other residents. Thankfully, there are fire-proof and sound-proof walls between the units.

The trees are finally full of green leaves and the grass is mowed once a week (by someone else). The first condo you pass on your right is the clubhouse. This is where the monthly potluck suppers are held, along with other gatherings. Plus our mailboxes are on one end. You can rent the clubhouse for family gatherings, but not if you want to have a home-based business party. The only money collected inside the building is for the 50/50 drawings they have each month. 

After the clubhouse, you'll notice that all of the buildings look the same. All of them have four units and everyone has their own garage, with access into their homes. This is condo living. I never thought I would like living in a home that looked just like the one next door. But after being here for a year, it's starting to feel like home. As you drive along the roads, you'll notice that all condos have one unit with a fireplace. Those without a fireplace, have a huge window. My condo has a fireplace in it. Barry would have loved it here. Above the fireplace is his buck - the one he shot in 2008, but thankfully wasn't preserved in 2009 when our house burned down.

My condo cannot be located with a GPS because although my address is on Dawn Dr, my condo sits on a side street that has a road sign that says, to Dawn Ct. So I'm not on one of the main roads. They really should have named my street, as they have other short street in our complex with names. Maybe I'll suggest that. But not finding my place isn't always a terrible thing. It allows me to have some privacy, too. Also my condo is nestled in amongst some trees, so year round, I get to see some of the animals that live in the wild. Last winter,  I noticed some deer beds not far from my living room window. I had wished I had gotten up sooner to see the deer there. But I have seen them throughout the complex, along with rabbits, and raccoons. I am sure there have been some turkey sightings as well. Just this morning, I watched a chipmunk chase a squirrel in and out of the bushes and trees outside my bedroom window. I was surprised because the squirrel was so much bigger. Then when the chipmunk was out of sight, the squirrel circled back to it's original destination and soon ran out onto a branch and jumped onto the neighbors bird feeder. I was just about to take a photo of it sitting on top, when it climbed down to where the seeds were and hid from my view. Silly squirrel. I later told my neighbor that I would be glad to trim those branches for her, but she said she would get to it.

My condo has two bedrooms and two baths and an open concept living room, dining room, kitchen. Plus a small storage room off the laundry area. It's really just the right size or even a bit larger space than I need. As it's just me. So most of the condo stays clean (which is nice). But in my bedroom is currently where my desk is - with my computer, where I sit and type all of my stories into - to share with all of you. And out my bedroom window is a world of adventure for the animals. It's definitely fun to just sit and watch and imagine what life might be like as a small mammal. (That's another story yet to be written).

My repsonsibility of plantings outside are only those from the wood edging to the condo. If I want to plant a garden in the wooded area, I have to get permission from the directors of the association. And so there is a small garden left from a previous owner. That's good enough for me. But some of the shrubs are looking pretty sad, so I'll be replacing some this year, while others will just be removed. Last December, in attempt to place Christmas lights on a flowering tree outside my garage, I decided to trim some of the branches, and well, I trimmed too much. But thankfully, it is still alive, though it does look pitiful. One of my neighbors saw a picture of the trimmed tree and said I wasn't needed to help her in her own garden. I was thankful, too. I did enough weeding for my mom and dad when they lived in Blooming Valley - I'm good for a long time yet. So the only flowers that will come up outside for me are some lillies planted by someone else. I don't have the green thumb my mom had. It wasn't passed down to me, thankfully. Who has time to talk to plants anyway? haha.

My living room has my only TV, and once in awhile I'll relax in the living room in one of the recliners, putting my feet up and eating a bowl of cereal or a sandwich and watch some shows. My main channels are Hallmark and HGTV - for the show Love it or List it. Then when I want some background noise, I'll put on the music channel and listen to contemporary Christian songs - I'll put the volume up a little more so I can hear it in my bedroom. Speaking of music, one of the stipulations here is that you can't play musical instruments outside - or have radios on loud in the garage.  I was actually looking forward to sitting outside on my patio and strumming a few tunes on my guitar. They didn't say anything about opening up all of my windows and playing the drums in my living room. Oh, that's right, I don't have any drums. I do have a keyboard, though. I don't play very often - maybe just once or twice since I moved in last year. But when the grandkids come over, they love to play on the keyboard, espec some of the demo songs - so it looks like they know what they're doing.

So - that's about it - life in my condo. It's quiet and peaceful. No one really comes to the door much and when my phone rings, I let the answering machine get it, because it's usually a telemarketer and so I don't give them any money any more. Plus, I didn't even give out my phone number, except to the condo association; though I recently changed that with my cell number. Well, I guess I could go on and on, but then I'd have to wake you up at the end to say goodnight. And the sun is about to go down here, also. Sweet dreams - see you somewhere else as we travel around Robin Hood's Barn.