This has got to be my year. I'm due, as they say. Of course, I've got to help make it happen. I've been through so many changes throughout my life and the most recent ones will happen sometime this spring - when I move into a smaller place. The crazy part of it is - that I'm not even sure where that's going to be yet. Do I stay in my hometown or move somewhere else? It depends on what kind of job I decide to take. Yes - another change - working! It's not that I've never worked - it's just that I haven't always received payment for the work I've done. I know, it's called being a volunteer. But it's still work.
One of my favorite verses is Proverbs 3:5,6 Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight.
I've been trusting God for a long time. On the way to a ski resort, I was in a car accident when I was 17 years old. A delivery truck hit my car on the driver side and pushed it into a bank. My boyfriend and I had to climb out of the passenger side window. The car was totaled. The insurance man told my dad that if that truck was fully loaded and had hit me head on, I would have died. Even though I was raised in the church, that was my first thought that I was here for a reason and it wasn't my time yet to go to heaven.
With my trust in God came trust in other people, other believers. When I was almost 19, I was a victim of a date rape; yet my sorority sisters didn't agree and tried to set me up with another boy to have sex, but I refused. A few months later, I was working at a church camp and thought I might have gotten pregnant from that rape. A young man I met at camp told me that if I was, he would marry me, so that the child wouldn't grow up without a dad. (He had been adopted as a baby). Thankfully, I wasn't pregnant, but I did end up marrying that young man - he was the one to share Christ with me - and taught me about forgiveness. I accepted Christ as my Lord and Savior that summer and then two years later, a month before our wedding, we were both baptized.
And how's that song go - first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes baby... five days before I graduated from college I delivered our first daughter. I was certainly blessed that day. I didn't realize I'd be gone most of the afternoon and hadn't left a bottle for my mom to feed her. Thankfully, she slept most of the time and otherwise, didn't cry or fuss much. After her first birthday, we packed up the house and moved from OH to GA, because of my husband's work. It took at least a year to adjust to the new surroundings and of course, the southern accent. You put groceries in a buggy, not a cart. You lunch is in a sack not a bag. And they had no idea what sneakers were. Strange. haha.
My husband wanted me to help with the income and so I decided to deliver newspapers from my car and just toss them out of the window. It sounded like fun until I found out you had to arrive at 3:30am just to put the papers into the plastic bags first. Hmm - no, that's not the job for me. I'm not a morning person. Eventually, I decided to work in a daycare. I had a BA in Elementary Ed, so I might have been over qualified, but I could take my daughter with me so that was good. I hadn't been there a week, and I walked past her room and she was just wandering around the cribs and no one was paying any attention to her. I felt sad and decided she needed to be with me during the day. And as it turned out, I was pregnant again, and with morning sickness, so I couldn't work anyway.
A few months after our son was born, a couple from our church (who owned our rental house) had an insurance business just up the street from us and asked if I would consider helping out, especially when they were out of town, and even said I could bring the kids with me - they provided the playpen. So for two days a week and sometimes longer when they were gone, the kids and I spent our mornings there. I felt bad at first, because for the first 20 minutes, I ended up feeding a bottle to my son - and then sometimes he would cry when they were on the phone. It was a little crazy at times. After several months, they finally called me into their office and said, I could stay, but I needed to find someone else to watch the kids. I understood. But God provided those opportunities for me to learn and grow. And had this couple not been Christians, I might have been fired also.
From that job, I became a demonstrator for Christmas Around the World. I did parties in the evenings and on weekends when their dad was home to watch them. And somewhere along the way, I also worked for a flower shop. I loved this job because it was delivering flowers and balloon bouquets all around Atlanta - and I could be gone for hours. It definitely helped me find alternate routes - when there was an accident on the interstate. I'm sure I shared on another blog how they sent me to an adult night club with a dozen roses for a John there. I was so embarrassed, and they just laughed about it back at the shop.
My husband was getting excited about our son turning five and starting Kindergarten. His dream for me was to go to work full-time. I had always enjoyed the flexibility of working part-time and being at home when my daughter was sick. I wasn't looking forward to that transition. And I'd like to say that God provided me for a reason to stay home for another five years or so - I was pregnant with our third child. (Back then, we didn't know the sex of the baby until its' birth). So I was blessed to be able to stay at home even longer. My husband took on a second job delivering pizzas to help make some extra money. After our daughter was born, I continued with part time work - substitute teaching and working in a restaurant.
My husband and I were married for 14 years. And God was with us through it all. We each had our own ideas and dreams - and actually, I think we just never communicated them to each other. And although we attended and were active in church every week, we didn't spend time in prayer or Bible study together at home. Our marriage ended when our youngest daughter was six years old. We were both to blame for the divorce (I couldn't say that then - but I accept my part in it now). And I finally got a full-time job that next fall. I worked as a Pre-Kindergarten teacher at a daycare. And the following summer, I moved the kids and I to PA, leaving their dad and his new wife in GA.
Changes - transitions, whatever you want to call them. We all have them. We all go through them. My kids weren't crazy about starting a new school, especially one that was still open when it was snowing. But they adjusted and made new friends. We got involved in another church - for youth groups, etc. I always wanted to have them stay in church, and never walk away from God. And we had the emotional, as well as financial support of my parents (plus a sister and brother) who lived in Meadville (my home town). The end of the second summer, I ended up with three different jobs. I was the Director of Children's Ministry, I was a teacher at a Christian school (PT teaching English, Math, Reading, Health and Home EC), and I was a consultant with a home-based business called Creative Memories. Having three jobs was tough. Two would been hard enough, but I guess I wanted to see if I could do it. After the first grading period - six weeks, I think it was, I quit. The seniors in the English class through me a party and said I was their favorite teacher ever. Wow - I was honored but realized how hard teaching really was - espec for an elem ed teacher teaching high school classes - with teacher manuals. It was more work than a pt job should have been. But it was an experience. God gave me several opptys to lead the elementary kids during a chapel time, so that was fun. But all in all, my first priority should have been my own kids. And so I made sure after that, that I was home for them.
More transitions through the years with kids going to college, kids getting married, and then finally, God brought another man into my life - and we were married. More transitions as a step-mom and not wanting to be known as a wicked one. haha. All in all - a learning experience for all of us - sort of the good, the bad and the ugly at times. But worth it - because this man was great for me - and we blended well together as a family.
And you know, or have most likely read about the next changes - when our house burned down (this is another example of when I completely trusted God - for I had lost everything but an overnight bag). And then several years later, the death of my husband. And if you've had a chance to read the chapter "Finding My Way" in the book Emerge, then you've read the account of our marriage and where I am now - still on that journey - and about to take another turn in the road.
What I've found to be the most difficult for me, is to make a final decision about something. I can decide one way or the other and then completely change my mind back to the other. But to make it a final decision, that's tough. You get to where you count on your significant other for so many things; and then one day, they're gone and it's all you and God. Thankfully He is still there. I know it - I can feel Him holding me most days. I cannot do this on my own. I am very thankful to have friends whom I can trust to give me their best advice or opinions - to help me weigh all of the options, to help make those decisions. If it were left up to me - well - I'd hate to even say it - so I won't. I'm still here for a reason. God is not done with me yet. And it's His decision when my time is up, not mine.
So I'm going to continue to trust Him with my life - and pray that His will is also mine (or vice versa); and the journeys I get to take will honor Him always. I don't know how people can live without knowing God, and especially trusting Him to take care of them. I'm glad I do. And with that - my story continues until next time. Perhaps - we'll have an answer to where I am living and what kind of job I am doing. But one thing for sure - you know I will be writing! Take care and God bless.
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